May 2013
2 tags
2 tags
barashat:
tips for people who get butthurt when they get pushed at a concert
stay home
12 tags
mom: wake up
me: *maybe if I pretend i'm dead she'll go away*
2 tags
ladsfm:
im cracking up thinking about harry out clubbing and someone comes up to him as he does the sprinkler on the dance floor and is like “hey, you’re not a good dancer” and it just haunts him and he can’t sleep and eventually at 4am he gets so frustrated that he tweets the comment that caused him to reevaluate his life
involvingmeinvolvingyou:
If you wanna be my lover
You’ve gotta throw huge parties to get my attention and get your neighbor to invite me over for tea then let me run over my husband’s mistress in your car
pahnem:
mercuriesrising:
aparticularlygoodfinder:
Go to Starbucks. Order coffee for “Prisoner 24601”
When they call out your order, jump up and yell “My name is Jean Valjean!”
And if the barista replies with “AND I’M JAVERT,” you tip that motherfucker so hard
you tip them right over the edge of a bridge
you fucking didn’t
5 tags
5 tags
breadboxes:
breadboxes:
what did vincent say when he lost his car in the parking lot
“where did my van gogh”
3 tags
2 tags
2 tags
one direction fans: ew one direction fans
stillwatersofconsciousness:
radish is a really accurate name for a vegetable because they’re pretty cool but they’re not that cool
me: time for bed
stomach: LET'S EAT 15 CHEESEBURGERS WITH ICE CREAM CAKE AND POTATO CHIPS WITH AN ENTIRE TACO BELL ON THE SIDE
brain: HEY REMEMBER ALL THOSE WORRIES, IDEAS, ASPIRATIONS AND OTHER ANXIOUS THOUGHTS WELL NOW YOU DO
muscles: I HURT FOR AN UNEXPLAINED REASON LIKE ARE YOU GROWING DO YOU HAVE A DISEASE LOL IDK HELP
skin: LET'S PLAY A GAME CALLED ARE YOU ITCHY OR DID A SPIDER EGG SACK JUST BIRTH ON YOU
ears: THERE'S A JET PLANE 500 MILES AWAY ALSO I THINK THE NEIGHBOR IS VACUUMING
eyes: WOW EVER NOTICE HOW IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY INTO PITCH BLACKNESS YOU CAN ALMOST SEE YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE
mouth: IT'S DEATH VALLEY UP IN HERE
body: HAVE FUN TOSSING AND TURNING FOR THE NEXT 2 HOURS
me: ok
foodchewer:
*Hides good snacks from family members.*
4 tags
benedictedcumberbabeof221:
mighty-thor-of-assgard:
danniauttumns:
ser-merlin-of-valyria:
tumblr has fallen
david karp is dead
yahoo is coming
your second sentence only has 5 syllables. Haiku fail. Though… they all do have 5, poem pass, haiku fail.
it wasn’t a haiku, it was a harry potter reference:
“the ministry has fallen
scrimgeour is dead
they are coming.”
4 tags
krabwatch:
i like the fact that i live in a world where people of any sex/gender can say ‘suck my dick’ and no one questions it
iamonlydorb:
sucysucyfivedolla:
the inside of your butt is warm enough to hardboil an egg
oh no I’m not falling for this one again
Again?
friendsofthegaybc:
travisstolls:
friendsofthegaybc:
travisstolls:
WHEN HE WAS A YOUNG WARTHOG
WHEN I WAS A YOUNG WARTHOOOOOOOOG
Very nice
Thanks
4 tags
southeasternprep:
zillatamer:
letterstogodptiii:
tea-books-and-blankets:
yaygocats:
discomplete:
“i want to wear shorts because it’s hot but i really hate my legs” an autobiography
“I want to wear shorts but i didnt shave” the sequel.
“I want to wear shorts but I don’t tan and I’d rather not blind you” The trilogy
“I want to wear shorts but my huge dick always sticks out” a...
lolsofunny:
So Zac Efron won People’s Choice Awards for ”Favourite Dramatic movie actor”
and all I can think about is
6 tags
6 tags
meggannn:
alibabakun:
we’ve all read a fanfic that was so disturbing it changed ur life
